i'm finding this new peace in solitude again. while i was chatting with CG in a rather quiet little tea place he brought me to today, i learnt that BJ and YX were surprised to know that i've been back for so long without letting them know about it. of course, my typical response to CG was that i still don't have that confidence to think that friends i might even confidently call friends will think likewise of me. but i think over the years spent overseas, i've also come to think that it would be foolish to assume that anyone in my life, good friend, wife or whatever, would be around for me all the time or all my life.

i just finished another article for ZB after a long hiatus due ot my course and indulgence in that comparative book i'm STILL working on and far from finishing, since i resolved to work out a translation of the whole text into English as well. that took quite a bit out of me, so much so that i know i won't be able to work out the book again for today. and that still leaves me papers from today and yesterday to be read, as well as those tomorrow.

But right now, i'm enjoying this bit of music which i downloaded from a random livejournal user from Singapore. he recorded his own singing and one which is absolutely charming is his rendition of 'The Christmas Song', a tune lyrics of which never fail to evoke the most beautiful and placid imagery in my mind of my ideal Christmas setting, which chestnuts roasting and the like, with just no one but me.

but i'm beginning to wonder if sometimes my comfort with being just with myself is healthy. someone told me of late that i am just running away from my loneliness. i still don't think i can agree with him honestly yet, but it's not an outrageous suggestion. i do know of times when i get lonely, but well clearly i'm not prepared to run the risk of misinvesting my emotions and hopes.